I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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