I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize