made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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