I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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