In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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