Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
