why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
