Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
