yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize