Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize