you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
