my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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