i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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