I'm drive I can fine osifer
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
