I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you will always have a special place in my vag
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
