This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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