Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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