did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Randomize
