I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize