btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
