Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
