We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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