OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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