we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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