There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
