We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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