he puts the penis in happiness.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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