Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
