oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
third nipple confirmed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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