She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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