what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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