Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
