its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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