I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize