tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
