I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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