i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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