You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
