Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
