its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
And then he peed in my hair
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