We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize