That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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