I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
