u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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