my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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