so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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