can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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