garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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