Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
