My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
