yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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