apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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