I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
did i walk over a car last night?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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