theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
