I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
