I forgot how hot balto sounded
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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