Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
