Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
