somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
