I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
