I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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