Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize