I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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