my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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