someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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