So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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