i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
