There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
bring money and cleavage
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
