Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
BRING THE BAGELS
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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