White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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