I accidentally had phone sex last night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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