Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
